For No One

My blog, while personally cathartic, is not the most fluid reading. How much of this can I chalk up to Max's style? A bit.

"Love" is an MMO being created entirely by one person. It claims ambitious things and its existence inspires me and also makes me a little jealous and insecure regarding my own originality. Also, the dude's blog is a little obnoxious.

As for Superstruct, I am less excited, but I like it. It's roleplaying, which is fun. Pretending to be living in the future provides opportunity to make a lot fun stuff up. Within it, I have the intention of joining Jane McGonagall's group that is trying to deal with the Superthreat of the new widespread respiratory disease. Her group is one that is brainstorming ideas for ways that games can aid in the fight against this highly contagious disease in the year 2019. The diseased must stay at home. So Jane's thoughts are that games can provide entertainment and community to these otherwise ostracized individuals.

To join Jane's group, one must provide to her an example of a fun game experience in the last three years (2016-2019). My idea is that nanotechnology had cropped up (as we all know) and found its guinea pigs in animals and its first consumer markets were pet owners. Physical games (sports, if you will) were created that involved highly trainable and easily healed animals (think of real life Pokemon). and this had encouraged further research and discovery in nanotechnology. Due to the popularity of the more violent animal games, animals rights enthusiasts had made the government proscribe all nano-implements in animals and banned the games (don't you remember all the PETA fiascoes [who knew "fiascoes" had an "e"?] during Christmas 2018?).

After gaining acceptance to Jane's group with my highly imaginative and realistic 2017 gaming experience that expresses the bond between man and animal and hard work and life and death and government interference and justice , I would suggest fantastic MMOs that would provide community, reflect truth, parody the pretentious, reward the clever, uplift the downtrodden.

Jane would then fund me.
And also travel back in time and marry me.
Back to 2008.
But she would also become younger in 2008.
A sort of double-time travel.
Actually, she has a husband.
In 2008.
Right now.
What have I just said?

Configus

Configus strategic paradox

LovePosted by Eskil Steenberg Fri, July 04, 2008 02:59:13
Thinking of AI tactics I remembered something I once wrote:

-Have you heard of the story of Configus?
-I cant say I have.
-As the story goes, in the land beyond the two rivers, Configus was one of two princes who were twin brothers. They lived under the rule of their father. But as the father grew old he could not decide who would inherit the throne, so what he did was that he divided his mighty army in two and gave each brother one half, and he made it so that he who could lead his army in to victory against his brother would inherit the throne.
Now the two armies was set up on each side of great mountain, and there were two paths around the mountain. One was a treacherous one that could exhaust the strongest of horses, full of narrow ridges and deep abysses, dry with nothing to eat and nothing to drink. However the path on the other side went threw a lush valley where streams of spring water soared and fruits grew on the trees.
Configus, thought long to choose his path, and he thought that the path threw the valley would be easier on his men and horses. But if the easy path was chosen, his brother would anticipate him and stage an ambush. So perhaps the hard path would be wiser. However his brother was just as wise as him and could also anticipate this. So perhaps this diversion was too obvious, but was it also too obvious to his brother? The more Configus thought about it, the more bewildered he got. Soon he found that what ever reasons he had his brother could anticipate. Hence he found himself in a dilemma of strategic paradox.
But as he truly believed that all men are created equal by god as brothers, And as his brother had a mind identical to his, he found no reason why his brother would not make as good of a ruler as he. So he choose to spare his army and alone he rode to meet his brother and once he found his brother, The first blade of his brothers army was stabbed in to his body and he fell dead from his horse. When his brother heard of Configus death he cried, because he had failed to anticipate his own brothers intentions, and thus he was not able to spare his life.
-So the other brother took the throne?
-Yes, he got the throne.
-I should know of him, who was the other brother?
-His name has been forgotten.

Comments(3)

Ranteaters

Economics is huge to me.

Hmm.

Oftentimes, in school or whatever, questions overwhelm me.

For instance, on my physics homework, frequently when I first read a question, I open my eyes all the way (I'm told my eyes are always half shut and this sometimes makes me look high) and try to consider every possible set of physical laws that could apply to the situation. So this means I must consider every universe, and what the heck that is even supposed to mean, is there a uniqueness proof or something that guarantees our universe is the solution and what? Then I worry briefly about whether or not I'm intelligent, whether or not I'll be able to make it, whether should I drop out of school and pursue my dreams? What will my dad say? Then I bob back with the thoughts about how stupid I've found other people to be and that relatively speaking I'll do ok, and I'll my classes are graded on a curve which is good and bad and nah nah nah. And then I remember I just read a chapter talking specifically about certain applications and derivations of laws governing this universe, which is the same one my professor exists in and has learned about and is only expecting me to consider the problem in light of these assumptions.

There are 4 forces in our universe we know of. I have studied two a fair amount. There are laws of mathematics that hold in the realm of our physical universe and I have studied these a fair amount. Enough to satisfy the meager demands of my professor. These are the steps of babes.

This post started with my desire to express my view of the significance of an individual's economic perspective. Immediately, however, and this happens all the time (as I was just relating), I got stuck. I am overwhelmed. What the heck do I mean by economics? And boy, I mean a lot. I have almost despaired of trying to explain to you my thoughts on this. This is heavy.

Usually, and many of you have experienced this, I simply talk to someone at length and attempt to simultaneously order my thoughts. Usually recapping and refining as a I go. This I find satisfying. There is typically something I need to convey about my thoughts that are most easily expressed through tone and other things communicated through speech. Although, my tongue readily stumbles when I ask too much of it.

I guess, after sitting and thinking about this for a bit...

When I refer to one's view of economics, it generally is the idea of man's work. So there's a ton to be said about motivational analysis and community and obligation. So it's pretty heavy stuff.

I don't profess consistency between my ideas and my behavior; I don't profess coherency between my thoughts and my ideas.

Sometimes, when I read others' words, these grotesque analogies and examples they use stick out grotesquely. My mind creates invisible wiggly red lines under their pathetic explanations for their views. Squiggly lines that do not indicate spelling errors, but thought errrors. I then, of course, want to rant against them. Then I think about others who rant against others and how I'm usually a half fan and think they're reactionary. Also, if I were to rant against the intial offender and their terrible thinking, I must also beware of my own invisible red squiggly lines under my text. How dreadful.

The idea of dealing comprehensively with anything pretty much necessitates dealing with everything ever. Right? I don't see how much of anything can be wholly separated from much of anything. I spent 20 minutes considering why some cute girl walking along ring road would choose to smoke a cigarette. Ultimately I concluded that all I knew was that she is in fact a cute girl and that, most likely, this has been observed by tons of males and that their desire for her is in no way less classy or sophisticated than mine.

There is this great divide in my life! I enjoy making decisions and taking pragmatic action and solving problems with pace (which is a soccer player's way of saying quickly). I am expert optimizer! If I'm given two things to compare, I'll do it and I'll give a preference, it may be slight or it may be severe. I don't love every problem and I don't only love solving problems. While I am polydimensional here, I do not claim to be n-dimensional. The trouble with all of this is that if you ask me what ought and I'll sit in a corner and cry without tears.

The secret things of God are His. --Deuteronomy

Incidentally, I am voting this November in the election held in the US of A.

Am genuinely excited about reading the props for the first time within the booth, standing there for a good fifteen minutes, and then voting Yes or voting No. As for presidente americana, meh.

I like emotions I have that I consider classifying as patriotic.

Also, I'm not sure if South Africa is really even a country.

Insoluble

Sick of the leeches.
Sick of the rocks.
Sick of the magnifying glasses.

I'm kinda pissy right now.

Hasta la Vista

I'm terribly in love with the aesthetic of my last post. I would prefer it to remain at the top of this blog for a while yet, but greater than this is my need to express myself!

I have a terror. I'm realizing that the path of life I have chosen will became rather inane once we have nano-technology that performs the function of red blood cells some ridiculous percentage better than red blood cells, so we can run without growing weary and sit under water for hours, all because we get a little more oxygen. This fear has gripped me because I'm trying to become a cyborg. A physically domineering analyst.

Max Cyborg Clark.

Let's look at our fears straight on though. Bear with me, readers, while I confront reality: I cannot defeat the Terminator.

At least, "for a homeschooler", I have a lot of personality. Bishop (the robot-man with white blood from Aliens), Schwarzenegger, these weren't particularly personable humanoids.

DO WHAT GIVES YOU THE HEEBIE JEEBIES.

Greyhounds

At the Irvine Spectrum today, there was a booth and a fenced in area for the California Greyhound Adoption Program (CGAP). For about 10 minutes, I stood with my backpack on my back, my thumbs inside my backpack straps (think of how people tuck their thumbs inside their suspenders), looking at the dogs.

People around me came and left and I thought about my plans to graduate college in 2010, adopt two Greyhounds the day after, then the next day, drive to New York.

I have the CGAP card in my wallet now.

Sorry Mr. King

David Sirlin, video game designer, concludes one of this articles with a quote:

You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness, or even despair—the sense that you can never completely put on the page what’s in your mind and heart. You can come to the act with your fists clenched and your eyes narrowed, ready to kick ass and take down names. You can come to it because you want a girl to marry you or you want to change the world. Come to it any way but lightly. Let me say it again: you must not come lightly to the blank page.

—Stephen King

Pssh. Like, I get where you're coming from, Steph, but c'mon, that was a little cheesey. The only part I like is "You can come to it because you want a girl to marry you." Perhaps that's because that's the kind of despair I can sort of understand; the other motivations I find suspect. "Nervousness"? Do you want to read a writer who wrote because of nervousness? A friend of mine once recalled to me that the last time he cried was when he was telling his parents that Speakers should have something to say.

I don't have any papers that professors want me to publish and I certainly don't generate any new mathematical or scientific knowledge at all. Most of my thoughts during most of the day shift between three gears: where I should deposit my body and in what employment in should then be in, wtheck the professor's lecturing on, and if I should hit on girls passing me by.

This is my blog and, paraphrasing another friend in the words of yet a third friend who was makes fun of a commercial thusly, "I do what I want."

They say that oftentimes when a girl relates a problem to a boy isn't in pursuit of problem solving ability, but a friend to lend an ear, to be understood. Well, treat me like a girl.

Speaking of girls, let's get it out there on the table. The idea of Girls is a rather common theme on this blog (at first I was going to say "dominant theme" then "subtle" because subtlety is both fun to type and I'm a big fan of it). It seems there is a necessary minimum of time that is spent thinking about romantic love. The mind's time is spent either considering directly the relationship with one's boyfriend or girlfriend and in what direction that will continue, or if there is no one occupying that position, one spends a great deal of time considering who might next fill it and how that will come to be. Unless one is married. I cannot speak to that. This situation, as it is for me, is simultaneously frustrating and exhilarating. I sometimes don't understand how others go about handling this, though. So much pretending.

I was once lauded for my "blatant honesty."

It probably wouldn't be easy, but I could probably sleep with a girl this weekend if I were really intent on it, which, I'm told, is nothing to brag about. I might be told that, but I'm not sure I believe it. Insofar as nothing should be bragged about, it's true. However, I'm pretty sure there are a fair amount of boys who would like very much to have sex this weekend, but won't be getting any.

I often identify a defect in a person or a negative trend in a group and then jump to concluding that that entity is worthless. This does apply to my self-analytical process. Part of it wanting to be able to conclusively point to x and blame it for everything, which is partly my desire for holistic analytic results, partly due to my own laziness, and partly due to the commonality of factors and pervade an entire system. Let's be aware of this and move on.

So sex. After having labored in physic class or math class or programming with dozens of nerds and an overcompensating AC, I have described to Louis and to Johann, that my reward is to then step out in the 94 degree Irvine sunshine and walk past 100s of students, some wearing short shorts. Right. At one point I thought I should learn to appreciate beauty where I find it. I don't think this is proper mental self-discipline. Problem solvers provide me with a variety of ways for me to get to know these random girls, in place of ogling. It is a tricky problem and provides a considerable challenge, upon which the problem solvers practice their ingenuity and indulge their enjoyment of the absurd. One only has 10 minutes, one is trying to get to another class, iPods in their ears, dozens of people between you and her, some dude walking next to her, and so on. Simple self-introduction? Ask for directions? Then ask what their major is? Bump into them? I offered a girl a tic-tac once. I was rejected.



Oh man. I'm a little tired of this blog post.

Ultimately, this is a nice thing to be worrying about rather than not having enough money for school, having AIDS, being a eunuch, or having to fight He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

About Me

An "About Me:":

I would like to adopt a brace of Greyhounds within the next 5 years. I have considered naming one Peeve. Actually, I just considered that name for the first time less than 5 minutes ago. You tell me why.

Also, I am principally against putting inside jokes as quotes on one's Facebook. It is, as you might guess, a pet peeve of mine.

Intuition

On the back of a stall door in ICS building at UCI, there was written, "What is intuition?"

I couldn't help myself and replied, on the stall door, "I think we all know what the answer to that question is!"

Another response was, "What girls say when they fall for assholes."

A few days later (as in today), there were two more comments. The one up and to the right simply criticized the handwriting of the original query. The bottom comment said, "lots of people have pens when they poop."

Almost Infinite #2

Physics > Soccer > Girls > Video Games > Painting > Physics

Santa Barbara Honies

There are things I want to recount that would be funny, but there is the slightest chance that a highly proficient facebook stalker could track this blog down to her own detriment. Although, shwatever.

I will say this: on a daily basis, I walk past many pretty girls at UCI.

I'm not one hundred percent sure what to do about this.

And trust me, I've put a lot of thought into it.

Attitudes

GK Chesterton platitudes....just kidding, my platitudes! My two platitudes...

1) That which is called a "bed of roses" usually is just that: seemingly beautiful, but in actuality thorny and in no way desirable (even though people typically use this phrase in a negative way, "sorry to disappoint you, it's not a bed a roses.").

2) That which is called "sour grapes" usually is just that: providing, at first, a thrill until one realizes its emptiness and that is an illusion of meaningful love, possibly leaving one bitter.

I once had a book of platitudes that GK Chesterton had scrawled on. It had his markings on each saying, crossing out clauses, adding his own. It was cool. I think GK had used a green crayon to do it also. Crayons were a great invention.

F

I have decided to allow myself to cuss when I play soccer competitively.

But not when I blog.